Johnson (3–0) vs. Clint (2–1)

The “You’d Think These Two Teams Are Good By Looking At The First Three Weeks But They Really Aren’t” Bowl!

Johnson: 3rd in points scored, 9th in points against
Clint: 6th in points scored, 7th in points against

Great start for Johnson, going over 130 all three times, but scoring less and less every week while staying in the win column.

Clint could easily be 1–2 and looking like a lock to go to 1–3 this week if he didn’t all 179 of those Edelman yards in week two and if he hadn’t made a desperation trade this morning to sure up his projections:

He’s had back to back big time scores, but we need to take a fresh look now after his big trade dumping his first and second round picks.

So far it’s been the Dak show, as he’s ridden two massive scores from Prescott to wins the past two weeks, while getting a couple explosion games from different receivers and seeing good but inconsistent production from the RB’s:

Johnson’s team has been a pretty mixed back, with Hopkins and Elliott being his only real consistent achievers so far.

Clint’s Side

The Cowboys and Saints are the teams to watch in this matchup, as we see Brees, Kamara, Prescott, and Elliott all locked in here. The two best match-ups of that foursome are Prescott (against the Browns) and Kamara (agains the Lions), so that’s two points for Clint. Drew Brees gets Michael Thomas back so that could help, but he’s looked pretty blah so far this year so it might be time for Johnson to cut him and also quit the league.

The rest of Clint’s team is like his bedroom in our Dormont apartment — really freaking gross. Nyheim Hines is a complete ass hat. He played in 12% of the snaps in week two and 33% in week three, scoring all of 11.5 fantasy points in the process. He is a grade A loser and Clint probably should also quit the league for having to start him. Johnson counters that with an equally shitty RB2 in Leonard Fournette, who completely screwed Johnson with that big week two performance. After that Johnson was like (please read this with a really high pitched whiney voice) “omigod Jon was sooo wrong about Fournette tehehehheeh!!! He’s awesome yayayyyy! Jon is such an idiot I’m going to start Fournette every weeeek now wooooo yeeeeeee ilovemalecrotches”

Then Lenny NoNets was like who is this p-word a-word b-word thinking I’m good? I’m gonna go out and rush 7 times for 15 yards and grab 2 catches for 7 yards and post 4.2 fantasy points and make this weird looking guy admit that Jon is always right!

Adam Thielen’s graph looks like the Verizon logo:

But his service will be more like Boost Mobile this week because he just isn’t that good and the Vikings throw the ball three times a game.

I’ll take a loss on Hopkins because I am obviously a very fair minded person, Hopkins has 37 targets in three games so that’s just looneytunes.

Back to Clint, this team is loaded with low-upside, no idea what to expect WR’s this week. Robinson-Jefferson-Boyd-Edelman like I have no idea man, sorry.

Johnson’s Side

Just kidding, we already covered it — quit the league dude.

You’d think I dropped my computer monitor in a Heinz Field Parking Lot PortaPotty on game day when fans were allowed to go to the games, because looking at this matchup there are just turds everywhere. This is one of the most top-heavy matchups I’ve ever seen. It will be determined by Brees-Elliott vs. Dak-Kamara, and I already said I like Clint’s side of the gambit there so guess what Johnson — after being parked last week, the hate train has been fired back up! You suck, 3–1!

Johnson Can’t Adapt To Clint’s Shuttle Cock Score, Clint Rolls 129–99